Vented Umbrella

Two men from Dublin are walking to the annual Dublin Fair, when it starts to rain. "Patrick, put your umbrella up, it's raining." "I can't, Mick, it's got holes in it." "Holes in it? Then why did you bring it with you?" "I didn't think it would rain."

Weather Man

Q: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
A: He could feel it in his bones!

Feather Line

Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous brunette comes in. The first guy says, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" "What Did You Just Say?" she asks. "Particularly nasty weather," he replies. The brunette says, "Oh," and leaves. Then a really hot redhead walks in. The first guy looks in her eyes and says, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" Her face lights up and she purrs, "Yeah!" So they leave and two hours later the first guy comes back for another drink. Shocked, the second guy asks the first one how he did it. He explains that he uses the line on every woman, and if they're shocked he covers by saying, "Particularly nasty weather," but otherwise, some girls are up for it. Eager to try it, the second guy waits for another woman to enter the bar. Soon a blonde walks in. He nervously says, "Stick your ass with a feather?" "EXCUSE ME?" shouts the blonde. The guy reddens and stutters, "Uh, sorry, um... did you know it's fucking raining out?"