Arkansas Vasectomy

After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Arky said to the doctor "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me." So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

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Louisiana Heritage

A few clues to being a true Louisianan:

• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
• "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
• You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
• You measure distance in minutes.
• You know several people who have hit a deer.
• Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
• Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
• You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
• You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
• Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
• You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
• You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
• You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
• You carry jumper cables in your car.
• You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
• You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
• You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
• You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
• The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
• You think that deer season is a national holiday.
• You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
• You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
• You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or northern Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.
• There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
• You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather.