Tiger Woods and the Titanic

Q: What's the difference between Tiger Woods and the Titanic?
A: Only 15,000 people went down on the Titanic.

You Bought It, You Have To Live With It

An eight year old boy was walking down the road one day when a car pulled over next to him.
"If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you $10 and a piece of candy."
The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again.
"How about $20 and two pieces of candy?" the man said.
The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking. Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road.
"OK," he says, "this is my final offer. I'll give you $50 and all the candy you can eat."
The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in.
"Look," he says to the driver. "You bought the Chevrolet, Dad. You'll have to live with it!"

Sneezing Disease

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney. About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed. He calmly opened his fly, took out his penis and wiped it with a handkerchief. The lady was shocked but a little too shy to say anything. About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly, grabbed his penis and wiped it off. The lady could not believe it, and being too shy to mention it, she thought to herself, "If he does that again, I'm definitely going to mention it." Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as before. She turned to Ian and said, "That is disgusting! Must you do that in front of me?" Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm," he explained. "Really, what do you take for that?" she asked. Ian replied, "Pepper."