The Vegas Trip!

Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation. The first guy says, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms and hollers, "7 come 11" all night and I haven't had a wink of sleep!" The second guy says, "I know what you mean... my old lady played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light or hit me hard', and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!" The third guy says, "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there... every morning, I wake up with a sore dingy and an butt full of quarters!

Hired a New Bus Driver

The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very loud voice, "Free bus to the hotel Astor!" On the way to the station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, "Free bus to the hotel Astor, Free bus to the hotel Astor," until he memorized it. Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at all the noise and hub bub and started shouting as follows."Free hotel at the bust your Astor, I mean, Free ass at the Hotel Bastard, I mean, Freeze your ass at the Hotel Buster, I mean Squeeze your bust at the Hotel Faster, I mean, Bust your ass at the Hotel Freezer, Oh shit...take a cab."

Crowded Subway

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!" "I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket." "Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"