Top Ten Things To Do While Giving Blood

10. Watch the bag fill.
9. Hyperventilate.
8. Pull the tube out of the bag and drink from it.
7. Race to see who fills their bag first (requires two or more people).
6. Puncture the bag near the top and see whether they pull the needle out of your arm before the blood squirts out.
5. While they're not looking, substitute a bag of orange liquid and complain they gave you too much Tang.
4. Insist that you want to give 2 pints.
3. Faint.
2. Tell them you saw the bag twitch.
1. Yell, "Hey, you used that needle on the last guy!"

Bought a Bad Computer

Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer

1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
2. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
3. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car. 
4. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
5. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
6. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
7. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
8. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
9. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
10. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.

Reasons For John's Sex Change

10. Lower auto insurance premiums.
9. Easier to get job because of hiring quotas.
8. Cleaner restrooms.
7. Tired of boring men's fashions and wants something new and exciting.
6. Women live longer.
5. Can get easily picked up in bars.
4. Really likes the guy next door but knows that he is not gay.
3. Failed to make the MEN'S U.S. Olympic Ski Team.
2. Wants to be an assistant to Clarence Thomas to find out if "it's really true."
1. PMS - An Incredible Sensory Experience!!!