Bought a Bad Computer

Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer

1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
2. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
3. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car. 
4. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
5. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
6. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
7. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
8. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
9. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
10. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.

Reasons For John's Sex Change

10. Lower auto insurance premiums.
9. Easier to get job because of hiring quotas.
8. Cleaner restrooms.
7. Tired of boring men's fashions and wants something new and exciting.
6. Women live longer.
5. Can get easily picked up in bars.
4. Really likes the guy next door but knows that he is not gay.
3. Failed to make the MEN'S U.S. Olympic Ski Team.
2. Wants to be an assistant to Clarence Thomas to find out if "it's really true."
1. PMS - An Incredible Sensory Experience!!!

Top Ten New Proposed Domains

TOP TEN PROPOSED NEW DOMAINS
Earlier this week, Gregory Nemitz and a handful of space enthusiasts proposed creating special domains, including ".luna" and ".moon," for Web sites based on the moon. He wasn't kidding: And one of our "Ten laws the Net needs" involves a special ".xxx" domain for pornographic sites. But why stop there? Here are some new proposed domains, and what you can expect from the sites in them:
10. ".trek"-- contains audio files of William Shatner
9. ".bill"-- Microsoft has bought this company
8. ".love"-- for people who would rather cuddle
7. ".slow"-- based in a distant country with no T3 lines
6. ".geek"-- assumes you know what all the acronyms mean
5. ".404"-- we stopped maintaining our servers in 1996
4. ".y2k"-- contains theories about the end of the world
3. ".burn"-- huge multimedia files will crash your computer
2. ".*"-- contains allegations about President Clinton's sex life
1. ".duh"-- explains, in detail, stuff you already know