Top Ten Things To Do While Giving Blood

10. Watch the bag fill.
9. Hyperventilate.
8. Pull the tube out of the bag and drink from it.
7. Race to see who fills their bag first (requires two or more people).
6. Puncture the bag near the top and see whether they pull the needle out of your arm before the blood squirts out.
5. While they're not looking, substitute a bag of orange liquid and complain they gave you too much Tang.
4. Insist that you want to give 2 pints.
3. Faint.
2. Tell them you saw the bag twitch.
1. Yell, "Hey, you used that needle on the last guy!"

Top 10 Things Heard in a Tax Office

The Top 10 Things Overheard In A Tax Preparer's Office Prior To The Tax Filing Deadline

1. No sir, the government does not want you to pay your taxes in pennies.
2. I have a hard time believing that a garbage collector made $150,000 last year so for the last time, DID YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SOURCE OF INCOME!!!
3. How cute... a tax form done in crayon.
4. No sir, it's do your taxes every year and renew your driver's license every 4 years, not the other way around.
5. Just because you talk to your plants ma'am, you cannot, repeat CANNOT list them as your dependents.
6. No Ms Lewinsky, your oval office "contributions" are not the same as when you check the dollar box at the top of your 1040 form.
7. Even if you are a hooker, the number of orgasms you've had cannot count as a business expense.
8. I'm sorry, I'm not sure I follow your "Give me an extension and I'll give you an extension later at my place" argument.
9. I take it that because you have decided to do origami with your tax form that you're not receptive to paying your taxes this year.
10. Just remember the IRS motto, buddy: Screw us now, we'll screw you later!!

Bought a Bad Computer

Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer

1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
2. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
3. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car. 
4. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
5. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
6. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
7. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
8. The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
9. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
10. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.