Top Ten Television Shows in Iraq

1. "Husseinfeld"
2. "Mad About Everything"
3. "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
4. "Suddenly Sanctions"
5. "Allah McBeal"
6. Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
7. "Achmed's Creek"
8. "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
9. "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"
10. "Just Shoot Me"

Top Ten Things A Cat Thinks About

1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
5. Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!

Computers are Female

The top six reasons computers must be female:
6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE: As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.