Culture and Celebrity Viruses Found

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB,  and then slowly expands to 300MB.
Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files  and deletes them.
Ellen Degeneres virus: Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
Titanic virus: Makes your  whole computer go down.
Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's  there.
Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.
HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week.
Woody Allen virus: By-passes the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
NFL Blackout virus: Will  only let you run programs on a remote terminal that's more than 75  miles away.
Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your  personal files and forwards them to the authorities.
Bill Clinton  virus: Won't let you query the system for information.
Rush Limbaugh virus: Biases everything  to the right.
Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused  search of a specific file into a global interrogation of every existing file. Creates links between unrelated data. Works extremely slow while searching and compiling results.
Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode but doesn't appear to really do much of anything.
Saddam Hussein virus: Won't let you into any of your programs.
Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.
George Michael virus: Runs its course,  occasionally releasing excess data buildup.
Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files.
Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits  when you're really enjoying it.
David Caruso NYPD Blue virus: After running successfully for a while, it exits the program it was in and never works again.
Pee Wee Herman virus: Exposes your confidential files to everyone.
X-files virus: All your Icons start  shape shifting.
Spice Girl virus: Has no real  function, but makes a pretty desktop.
AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

The System Crash Song

SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of "The Monster Mash")

• I was working in the lab, late one night
• When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
• Some smoke from our VAX began to rise
• And suddenly, to my surprise... [chorus]
• (There was a crash) There was a system crash (A mighty crash)
• I heard the disk heads smash
• (A system crash) It came down in a flash
• (There was a crash) A fatal system crash
• The lab manager then appeared from his room,
• Said: "I don't want to be a prophet of doom,
• But we had one like this just the other day
• Which blew up 4 megs and the SBA" ... [chorus]
• The system had just been booted, diagnostics had all run through,
• When a power fluck made it all run amuck, then SCOTTY and IRVING blew too
• So we'd lost all our VAXes in less than one night
• When a VP came in and said: "Hey, that's all right,
• I'll loan you a Venus - here's what to do
• When you call up Support, tell them Gordon sent you... [chorus]

Base Time

Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.