Computer Problem Report

Computer Problem Report Form

1. Describe your problem:_______________________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:________________________________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:________________________________________________________________
4. Problem Severity: A. Minor __ B. Minor __ C. Minor __ D. Trivial __
5. Nature of the problem: A. Locked Up __ B. Frozen __ C. Hung __ D. Strange Smell __
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __
7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __
9. Have you made it worse? Yes __
10. Have you had a friend who knows all about computers try to fix it for you? Yes __ No __
11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __
12. Have you read the manual? Yes __ No __
13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe __ No __
14. Are you absolutely you've read the manual? No __
15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes __ No __
16. If Yes, then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself.________________________________________________________________
17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?_______________________________________________
18. If you answered nothing, then explain why you were logged in?________________________________________________________________
19. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes __ No __
20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? Yes __ What's a VCR? __
21. Do you have a copy of PCs for Dummies? Yes __ No __
22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes __ No __
23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes __ No __
24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes __ No __
25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes __ No __
26. Is the machine on fire? Yes __ Not Yet __
27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes __

If Microsoft Made Toasters...

If Microsoft made toasters, every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15,000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel counter-top), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that let's you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

Hackers

Q: How do computer hackers escape?
A: I think they just ransomware.