Attractive Traits

A survey revealed that people who speak more than one language are considered more attractive.
Unless that language is Klingon

From Boyfriend to Husband upgrade

Dear Tech Support: 
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.  In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
--Desperate
***************************************
Dear Desperate,
Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: "C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVEDME" and install Tears 6.2.  Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.  Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files.  DO NOT install Mother In Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.  These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.
--Tech Support

Apple Maps

A guy using Apple maps walks into a bar
...or maybe a hospital....or possibly a church