Bedtime Prayer of the Future

Now I lay me down to sleep, from the nightstand buttons beep. PC all set to download a file, and send the mail in a little while. Then gather the news before the dawn, and all the scores from fans long gone. The AC is set to cut back on cool; Lights to blink, the burglars to fool. Alarm clock set on delayed shutoff; CD to play some, then cut off. Sleep-maker set on medium tension, Voice mail set on no-wake suspension. Burglar alarm on delay activate; Car-port light on, for son who's late. Mr. Coffee all set to percolate; Dishwasher to run at ten of eight. Air purifier cleans each hour tonight; Water filter to fill the tank just right. VCR to tape three good shows, Something to watch during winter snows. Motion detectors on, to check what moves; White noise machine set to seaside soothes. Camcorder is ready to film in a flash. Blender's all set, the fruit to mash. Lord, Bless our all-electric domain; Keep lightning away should it rain. Let no errant shock reset it all; Watch over the breaker box in the hall. I'm wide awake now from all this hassle; God bless our multi-megawatt castle.

Geek's Thanksgiving

1. Be thankful you haven't been spammed
2. Be thankful your computer isn't down
3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn't down
4. Be thankful you don't have The Good Times virus
5. Be thankful your server isn't down
6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to browse
7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are
8. Be thankful someone sent you a cyber sundae, and you didn't gain a pound
9. Be thankful your 28 year old cyber-friend really isn't 72
10. Be thankful for a fast Internet connnection
11. Be thankful no one sent you a cyber voo-doo doll!

Pregnant Typewriter

Q: Did you know that my typewriter is pregnant?
A: No, it is? Yup, it skipped a period.