Virus Attack

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Congressional virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.
Public Television virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Nike virus: Just does it.
Congressional virus #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
Star Trek virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
Health Care virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

The Three Laws of Thermodynamics

The Three Laws of Thermodynamics
1.You can't win.
2.You can't break even.
3.You can't quit the game.

Pokemon Trouble

Q: Why did the woman call 911 about a peeping tom in her yard?
A: Because the man told her he was trying to get a pikachu.