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U.S. State Jokes - Illinois Jokes
Broken Fence
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
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Chicago Police
Q: Did you know the Chicago Police have seen a 73% increase in gang member arrests from last year?
A: They replaced the sirens in Police cars with loud-speakers playing the National Anthem.
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Illinois Speeding Penalty
Q: Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois?
A: On the first offense they give you Bears tickets, and on the second offense, they make you use them.
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