Gold Medalist

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke." The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps." The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband." She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler." "How so?" "He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

Earie Pennsylvania

For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA.

Remarks Never Heard At Daytona

• None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.
• Tampax! Get your Tampax here!
• Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!
• Sex with your sister? Man, that's sick.
• My God, this is a splendid Merlot.
• Hey, you with the large breasts, out of the way. We're trying to watch a race here.
• Jeeves, be a good man and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone.
• What a coincidence, Hank, all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too.
• These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert.
• Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor.
• Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley.
• And now, singing our national anthem, international recording artist Boy George.