Lawyer Hunting Regulations

NEW REGULATIONS FOR THE HUNTING OF LAWYERS: Government Department of Fish and "WildLife" Sec. 1200

1. Any person with a valid hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
8. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, "entrap", or possess it.
9. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.
10. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drugdealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
11. BAG LIMITS (Maximum number of catches allowed per hunting season)
    1.  Yellow Bellied Sidewinder...........(2)
    2. Two-faced Tort Feasor...............(1)
    3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator.....(4)
    4. Small-breasted Ball Buster..........(3) (Female only)
    5. Big-mouthed Pub Gut.................(2)
    6. Honest Attorney.....................(0) (On the Endangered Species List) (Illegal to hunt)
    7. Cut-throat..........................(2)
    8. Back-stabbing Whiner................(2)
    9. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser............(2)
    10. Silver-tongued Drug Dealer Defender.......($100 BOUNTY)

A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch...

A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it."  The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's hollering, "Awright, lady, awright--you can have the goddamn deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it!"

The New Hunter

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.  Jake asked her, "What are you up to?"  Alice smiled. "I'm going hunting with you!"  Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to take her along.
Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his wife safely up in the tree stand and told her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."  Jake walked away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant, much less a deer.
Not 10 minutes passed when he was startled as he heard an array of gunshots.  Quickly, Jake ran back. As Jake got closer to her stand, he heard Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"  Confused, Jake raced faster towards his screaming wife. And again he heard her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire!  
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake was surprised to see a guy standing there with his hands high in the air. The guy, obviously distraught, said, "Okay, lady, okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!"