When I Get Out

A person reviewing people in an insane asylum walks around and is pleased with what he sees. He starts to review patients to see what they will do when they get out. He walks up to the first guy and sees him throwing a football around. He automatically knows that he wants to be a football player. He walks up to another guy and sees him throwing a baseball around. He could automatically tell that he wanted to be a baseball player. He walks to the next cell and sees a man with his dick in a bowl of peanuts. He flips out and asks what he is doing. The man replies "I'm fucking nuts, I'm never getting out of here!"

Virginia Football Players

Q: If you have a Virginia Tech football player and a UVA Football player in the same car at the same time, who drives?
A: The state trooper!!"

Sticky Fingers

Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?
A When he steals a base.