Golfing with Doc...

I was playing golf with my doctor friend one day.  He ALWAYS hit his drives right down the middle of the fairway.  My problem was that I ALWAYS hooked my ball completely off the fairway.  I asked him for help, and he offered to give me a physical to see if he could determine the problem.  Sure enough, he said that I had three times the "normal length" of the average male, which caused an anomaly in my swing that caused me to hook.  I asked him to help me, and he agreed to do surgery -- provided that I didn't play golf for four weeks. I agreed. Golf is just that important to me.  Four weeks later, new body and all, I teed off on the first hole and drove the ball 270 yards right down the middle. Feeling elated, I thanked the doctor.  Then I asked him what had become of the "rest" of me.  He just smiled, teed his ball, then hit it...and watched it duck hook two fairways away...

Going Down

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, at first encountering resistance but then plunging in, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds, before I knew it, she was going down on me. And I thought to myself..... "I really need a new freakin' boat."

Shaquille O'Neal

If Shaquille O'neal was ...
A banana, he'd be Shaquille O'peal
A shade of blue, he'd be Shaquille O'teal
A criminal he'd be Shaquille O'steal
Overly emotional he'd be Shaquille O'feel