Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing
It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

1. The woman goes to the store.
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Things Men Don't Say

• Let's watch Lifetime.
• Sex is overrated.
• I don't want to go too far on the first date.
• Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
• Don't we owe your mother a visit?
• I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
• Dessert goes right to my hips.
• I hate when I miss Oprah.
• Does this suit make me look fat?
• I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.

Women and Men, Wine and Grapes

Men are like a fine grape:

• They are best kept in the dark.
• They can't handle too much heat.
• They perform best when they are stepped on.

 
Women are like the wine that comes from the grape:

• They are sweet, vigorous, and full-bodied when they are young.
• They don't age well without preservatives.
• They become sour and vinegary if they remain bottled up.