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Two-story house
Two-story house:
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'
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Male Translations
What a man really means:
- "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" "Why isn't it already on the table?"
- "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
- "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" "I have no idea how it works."
- "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
- "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." "Are you still talking?"
- "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned.. but I forgot your birthday."
- "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL." "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
- "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
- "I CAN'T FIND IT." "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
- "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" "What did you catch me at?"
- "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." "No one will ever see us alive again."
- "WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." Translated: "I make the messes she cleans them up."
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MasterCard for Men
Cover charge: $15.00
Round of drinks: $23.00
Table dance: $30.00
Another round of drinks: $23.00
Couch dance, with tips: $50.00
A round of shots: $34.00
Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00
Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: Priceless.
There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.
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