Guess Your Weight

An elderly madam walks into a bar, and announces that she will spend the night with whoever can guess the weight of her pet canary that's sitting on her little finger. 
An old drunk yelled out, "Fifty pounds!"
She replied, "Close enough."

Happy 20

I thought I would be satisfied but after paying for a 20 year old Escort, I could only think of one thing.
This is a shitty car.

Amsterdam Semester Abroad

Possible Courses In Amsterdam:

• Essentials of Bong Design: Discover earth, water, wind, and fire as the tools you'll need to get rid of your syllabus... some killer hashish.
• Smuggling 101: Who says the party's over? Years of commerce have made this Northern culture an expert at turning a rectum into a set of luggage.
• Medieval Condom Use: Even Sir Lancelot had a rash. Discover how centuries of crotch scratchers protected their privates with specially designed shields.
• The Development of Puke: Our native-born instructors take students from heaving to hurling.
• Architecture of Early Modern Brothels: With the aid of walking tours and guest hooker lecturers.