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Sex Jokes - Prostitute Jokes
The Prostitute and the Appendectomy
Q: What happened to a Brighton Beach prostitute who had an appendectomy performed by a Soviet emigre surgeon?
A: He sewed up the wrong hole, so now she's making money on the side.
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Fair Price
A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an "escort" service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker says, "I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that's for a hand job."
"$500 for a hand job? Why, that's outrageous!" the man exclaimed. "No hand job in the world could be worth $500!"
The hooker summons the man to the window and points down onto the parking lot below. "See that cherry red Maserati down there? I own that because of what I can do with my hands."
Against his better judgement, the man pays the $500 and sure enough the hooker sends him into utter bliss, by far the best sexual experience of his life. After he recuperates he says to the hooker, "God that was fantastic!! How much for a blowjob?"
"$2500," the hooker replied.
"$2500 for a blowjob?" Cried the astonished man. "That's way too much!"
Again the hooker summons the man to the window, this time pointing across the street. "Do you see that large medical building right off the strip there? I own that because of what I can do with my mouth."
"Oh no," moans the man, "this is gonna break me, but I just have to try it." Once again the hooker takes him to the edge of the universe and back, far surpassing the pleasure he received earlier, leaving him utterly drained and totally gratified. As soon as the man can speak again, he says, "I just have to know. How much do you get for pussy?"
The hooker drags the man to the window for a third time, points and proclaims, "Do you see the MGM Grand Hotel sitting there on the corner? I could own that if I had a pussy!"
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Duck Farmer
There was a duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college. Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A DUCK?!?" It sure is he replied, and its for sale too! She said that she collected ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck, he agreed. Well the other son being the "bad" kid went strait for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hitting on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesn't have any money, just this duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want a pet. So they go in the back and had passionate sex. When they were done, the lady said she didn't want the duck anymore. He said he would gladly take the duck back if he could fuck her again, so they went at it again. The guy was pretty happy by now so he runs on home, he ran so fast that the duck got away from him and ran out in front of a car and got hit. The duck was clearly dead, so the lady being in the hurry that she was, gave the young man $25 compensation for the dead duck, then she sped off in her car. When the two finally got home, the father once again called them into a room and said, "How much did you make," looking at his "good" son. The "good" son said $10, with a modest look on his face. Then the dad glared at his other son and said, "How about you?" The bad son said, "well... I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up duck!"
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