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Sex Jokes - Denied Sex Jokes
Won't Stop
Shortly after her wedding, the newlywed wife is complaining to her mother about her husband's insatiable sexual appetite. "He wants to do it 15 times a day, anytime, anyplace, anywhere -- on the table, on the stairs, on the sofa, in the car, in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. I can barely walk anymore!" The mother advises her daughter to tell him that she has her period, which seems like a good idea. So that evening, when the husband comes home from work, he proceeds to undress himself and his wife, when she stops him. "I'm sorry sweetie, but it's that time of the month." The husband gets up, looks at his wife, and says, "It's all good honey. I understand." He puts on a robe and walks away. The wife is somewhat surprised at the mature reaction of her husband, until a few minutes later he returns holding two glasses and a bottle of champagne. So she asks, "What's going on, dear?" "We're celebrating!" he replies. "Celebrating? What exactly are we celebrating?" she asks. "Anal sex week!"
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Two-story house
Two-story house:
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'
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Back Yard
A husband and wife were in their back yard when he was noticed her expanding backside. He commented, "Boy, your ass is getting big. Almost as big as the gas grill here."
She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, "Yep, that thing is getting huge." At this, the wife retreated to the far side of the yard. Soon he approached with a tapemeasure, acquired the width, and exclaimed, "It IS as big as the gas grill!"
Later that night when they were in bed, the husband started making moves on his wife. She just turned away. "C'mon, honey," he said, "what's wrong?"
Her cold reply was, "I'm not firing up this grill for just one little weiner!"
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