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Sex Jokes
It's Football Time Again
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes, the old man farts and says, "Seven Points. "His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!" A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says -"Touchdown, tie score!" After about five minutes the old man farts again and says -"Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, -"Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says -"Field goal, I lead 17 to 14!" Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed. The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"
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Penile Operation
A guy who has a stuttering problem goes in to his doctor and says, "Ex-ex-ex-cu-cu-se m-m-me d-d-oc but I I I have th-th-this st-st-stuttering problem and I I I was wo-wondering if you c-c-c-could help m-m-m-me."
"Well take off your clothes and get into this gown and let me check you over." The guy gets into the gown and the doc begins his check-up. The doctor is quite surprised: "I see what the problem is. Your penis is so large that it's pulling on you abdominal muscles which in turn is causing a strain on your vocal chords."
"W-w-w-well c-c-can you h-h-help m-m-me?"
"Sure I can but we'll need to cut off about 8 inches."
"I-I-I-I can't t-t-t-take this an-any more do it."
Six months later the guy goes back to the doc. "Well doc, I must say that the operation was a great success, but my sex life really sucks and I would like my operation reversed. Please put back what you took off."
The doc replies "F-f-f-f-f-fuck off!"
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Two Couples Decide to Spend the Weekend Away Together
Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years. I wonder how the girls are doing?"
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