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Sex Jokes
Giuseppi Knows All?
Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?" Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?" He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen." A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?" Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?" He says, "Hah! Abraham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen." A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi . . . you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?" He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?" The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night school."
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On the Beach
There is this guy who really takes care of his body. He lifts weights and jogs six miles every day.
One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body and notices that he is suntanned all over with the one exception of his penis, which he readily decides to do something about.
He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he leaves sticking out. Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she begins to move it around with the cane. Remarking to the other little old lady, she says, "There is really no justice in the world. "The other little old lady says, "What do you mean by that?"
The first little old lady says, "Look at that - When I was 20 - I was curious about it. When I was 30 - I enjoyed it. When I was 40 - I asked for it. When I was 50 - I paid for it. When I was 60 - I prayed for it. When I was 70 - I forgot about it. Now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat!"
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Nuns at the Gate
So, four nuns die at about the same time, and are waiting at the pearly gates to consult St. Peter. He says, "Next!" He asks the first nun, "Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask this: Have you ever come in contact with a penis?" The first nun says, embarrased, "Well, I was a nurse for a while, Mr. Peter, so, yes, I had to touch a few penises in my time..." St. Peter says, "No problem! Just wash your hands out in that there fountain of holy water, and go right in!" So the nun washes her hands, and the gates spring open, the music plays, and the first nun walks right in. Then St. Peter asks the second nun, "Have you ever come in contact with a penis?" The second nun says, embarrassed, "Well, once I was trying to convert some people, and I wandered into a movie theater by accident. There was a penis on the screen..." "Not to worry!" laughs St. Peter. "Just wash your eyes out in the fountain of holy water over there, and you're set!" So the nun washes her eyes, and the gates spring open, the music plays, and the second nun walks right in. Then St. Peter begins to ask the third nun. "Have you ever come in cont..." Suddenly, the fourth nun interrupts! "Um, Mr. Peter, I reeeaaaallly have to go first!" "Be patient, child, you'll have your turn," says St. Peter. He turns to the third one again. "Now, have you ever come in contact with..." "Mr. PETER!!!!" The fourth one screams. "I REALLY have to go first." "I'll ask you in just a moment! I have to ask this young lady first!" "NO WAY!" the fourth one says, practically fuming. "I'm not gonna wash out my mouth in that fountain after she washes her ass out in it!!"
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