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Testicular Injuries Among Woman Athletes
NEW YORK, NY — A new study indicates a disturbing trend as testicular injuries in women's sports are increasing at an astounding rate. Researchers are baffled as these statistics have skyrocketed from literally zero reported testicular injuries among female athletes just a few years ago.
"This new wave of testicular injuries to female athletes has really come out of nowhere," said Dr. Ryan Kitchen of Boston College's Institute of Sports Medicine. "Years ago, there were absolutely no reported testicular injuries that occurred during women's sporting events. If only we could determine what led to this sudden rise. Such a puzzle!"
Institutions around the world have also noticed the disturbing trend and are pouring research dollars into discovering the cause, which is almost certainly a complicated issue with no easy or obvious answers whatsoever.
Critics have argued that it's not actually possible for a female athlete to suffer a testicular injury. "Yeah, that can't happen," said Dr. Adam Kinunen of the Restore Sanity to Sports research group. "Considering the fact that having testicles in the first place means a person is not a female, it would stand to reason that such an injury is impossible. In layman's terms, these are dudes."
Trans activist groups have come out in full force against anyone who dares to suggest women cannot have their testicles injured because women can't have testicles. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" said Sunshine Fluffsprinkle, spokesperson for Insanity Now, a trans rights group in response to the findings. "BLLRRRAAAWWRRRR FFFRRGGGTHTHTH!"
At publishing time, concerned researchers in the field of sports medicine were consulting with athletic equipment manufacturers to design protective athletic cups specifically designed to protect female testicles.
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Toil In the Dungeon
I'd be happy to toil in your dungeon.
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Sex During Pregnancy
Sandra and her husband Jim are expecting a baby in 2 months. One day Jim comes home from work and asks Sandra, ''Why haven't we had sex in so long?'' ''You know I'm worried it will hurt the baby.'' Sandra told him. ''I'll be really gentle. I promise.'' Jim tells her. Sandra protests but Jim manages to finally convince her that he won't hurt the baby so they have sex. Two months later Sandra gives birth to a baby boy. When the baby was born he looked at the doctor and says, ''Are you my father?'' The doctor shakes his head, then to Sandra, ''Are you my father?'' ''No, I'm your mother.'' she tells him. Finally the baby sees Jim and says, ''Are you my father?'' Jim nods, The baby starts hitting him on the head and says ''How does this feel?''
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