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Sex Jokes
The Bobbitt Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my penis I will keep
And if I wake and it is gone, I hope to find it on the lawn
I hope the dog that's running free, doesn't see that little part of me
Many precautions I must take, to keep this part I love to shake
Much attention I must pay, to assure I put the knives away
The mower, chain saw, the hatchet too, why there's no telling what she'd do
To rid me of my manly charm, I must keep it safe, away from harm
So I cross my fingers as I close my eyes, and I cross my legs to avoid surprise!
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Poetic justice
A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a park.
The witness: They were fucking your honor
The judge: Could the witness put it in a more Sheakspearian way:
The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear until tiny sounds came to my ear. There was this couple on the ground there and his balls were dangling in the air and you know his what was in her you know where. If that wasn't fucking your Honor I wasn't there.
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Upmanship
An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life. Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild. Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild. Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife...she goes wild!
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