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Sex Jokes
Man Torture
Q: What's the best way to torture a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
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Moose Hunting
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, put on their costume and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?" The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but if I were you, I'd brace myself!"
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Ole & Lena
After years of marriage, Ole and Lena found themselves in bed one night. Lena leaned over to Ole and said, "Ole, have you ever been unfaithful during all our years of marriage?" "Not even once!" exclaimed Ole. "Lena, have you ever been unfaithful?" "Well, er, yes --- but only three times," she admitted somewhat embarrassed. "Hmmm, three times?" questioned Ole. "That's not so bad. Do you remember those three times? Can you tell me when?" "Well, Ole, do you remember when you wanted to build the store and you had a hard time getting approval from the City Council?" asked Lena. "That was the first time." "And, do you remember when you wanted to build an addition, but had to get the okay from the building inspector?" she asked. "That was the second time." "OK, Lena, when was the third time?" queried Ole? "The third time was " Lena paused. "Do you remember when you were running for president of the Sons of Norway and you needed 125 votes?"
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