Eight Times A Virgin

A marketing manager married a woman who had previously been married eight times. On his wedding night, his wife informed him that she was still a virgin.
This puzzled the marketing manager since, after eight marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomena. Her comments were as follows:

"My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, 'It's gonna be great!'
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Service who constantly said that everything was diagnostically 'okay', but he just couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, 'Those who can...do; Those who can't...teach.'
My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department who said that he had the orders, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.
My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were that he knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether or not it was his job.
My eighth husband was from Standards And Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it."

The wife said sweetly to her new husband, "Now I am married to you, a man of Marketing." The husband looked at his wife and simply said, "I know I have the product, I'm just not sure how to position it!"

Have You Ever Seen a Ghost?

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?".   About 90 students raise their hands.  "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?".   About 40 students raise their hands.  "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously.  Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"  15 students raise their hands.  "That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.  "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further. Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"  One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."  The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.  The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a Ghost."  The student replies, "Ghost?!? I thought you said 'goats!'"

I Spy

Five year old Johnny and his little sister are peeping through a keyhole at their parents making love: "Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed even to stick a finger in our nose!"