Been In College Too Long...

• You consider McDonald's "real food."
• You actually like doing laundry at home. 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.
• It starts getting late on the weeknights.
• Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
• You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
• You'd rather clean than study.
• Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
• Computer Solitaire is more than a game, it's a way of life.
• You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.
• You know the pizza boy by name.
• You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
• You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)
• Prank phone calls become funny again.
• Wal-Mart is the coolest store.
• World War III could take place and you'd be clueless.
• You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
• Black lights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
• Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
• You find out milk crates have so many uses.
• The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night).

Light Bulb - Students

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two and a professor to take credit.

The College Food Chain

The College Food Chain
THE DEAN - Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, Is more powerful than a locomotiveIs faster than a speeding bullet, Walks on water, Gives policy to God
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD - Leaps short buildings in a single boundIs more powerful than a switch engine, Is just as fast as a speeding bullet, Talks with God
PROFESSOR - Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable windsIs almost as powerful as a switch engine, Is faster than a speeding BB, Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool, Talks with God if a special request is honored
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR - Barely clears a quonset hut, Loses tug of war with a locomotive, Can fire a speeding bullet, Swims well, Is occasionally addressed by God
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR - Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings, Is run over by locomotives, Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury, Treads water, Talks to animals
INSTRUCTOR - Climbs walls continually, Rides the rails, Plays Russian Roulette, Walks on thin ice, Prays a lot
GRADUATE STUDENT - Runs into buildings, Recognizes locomotives two out of three times, Is not issued ammunition, Can stay afloat with a life jacket, Talks to walls
UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT - Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings, Says "Look at the choo-choo", Wets himself with a water pistol, Plays in mud puddles, Mumbles to himself
DEPARTMENT SECRETARY - Lifts buildings and walks under them, Kicks locomotives off the tracks, Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them, Freezes water with a single glance...She IS God.