Nature of Hell

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."  Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: #1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. #2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic. The student got the only A.

Mormon Marketing

Q: What is the slogan of the Mormon Church?
A: "We don't care how you bring 'em, just Brigham Young."

MIT Course Evaluation Results

These are actual student evaluation comments taken from an MIT course evaluation guide in the fall semester of 1991.

• "This class was a religious experience for me... I had to take it all on faith."
• "Text makes a satisfying `thud' when dropped on the floor."
• "The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."
• "His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame."
• "Textbook is confusing... Someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."
• "Have you ever fell asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term."
• "In class I learn I can fudge answers and get away with it."
• "Keep lecturer or tenure board will be shot."
• "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
• "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."
• "In class the syllabus is more important than you are."
• "I am convinced that you can learn by osmosis by just sitting in his class."
• "Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"
• "Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."
• "Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing -- it's a great stress reliever."
• "He is one of the best teachers I have had... He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."
• "I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."
• "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."
• "This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
• "Most of us spent the 1st 3 weeks terrified of the class. Then solidarity kicked in."
• "Bogus number crunching. My HP is exhausted."
• "The absolute value of the TA was less than epsilon."
• "TA steadily improved throughout the course... I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
• "Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose -- spraying in all directions -- no way to stop it."
• "I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used more while doing the problem sets that I would have used the text."
• "What's the quality of the text? `Text is printed on high quality paper.'"