Anatomy Lesson

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"

Identifying Famous Quotes

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill!" "Congratulations," said the teacher, "You may go home early." The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but - " Before she could finish the quote, another young lady belted out, "John F. Kennedy!" "Very good," said the teacher, "You may go also." Irritated that he had missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, "I wish those girls would just shut up." Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday."

Surprise!

Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, its fathers turn to do the job." Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork parents are desperate, their son is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask their son where he had been all night. Says the baby stork, "Aw, just scaring the shit out of college kids!"