Vow of Silence

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence. One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, "I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!" Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days. The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said, "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!" Once again, silence ensued for 365 days. The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"

A Religious Movement

Q: What do you get when you cross Holy Water with castor oil?
A: A religious movement!

Mormon and Irishman

An Irishman and Mormon were seated next to each other on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The Irishman asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the Mormon if he would also like a drink. The Mormon replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!" The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."