Three Crooks at Confession

One time three very bad people felt guilty for the different crimes they committed and went to a church to ask God for forgiveness. There, they found a priest. So all three of them went to the priest. The first crook said, "Oh, Father! I have killed an innocent man and now I am feeling very guilty! Please ask God to forgive me!" The priest murmured a blessing and told the crook, "God has forgiven you my son, and now go and drink the water from the well of purity." The Father pointed toward a fountain with sparkling water. The first crook went and drank the water. "The water tastes weird," he said and went away. The second crook came to the priest and said, "Oh, Father! I have stolen a lot of money from many people and now I am feeling very guilty! Please ask God to forgive me!" The priest murmured a blessing and said, "God has forgiven you my son, and now go and drink the water from the well of purity." So the second crook went and drank the sparkling water in the fountain. "This water tastes funny," he said and went away. Now only the third crook remained. "What is it that you did wrong, my son?" the priest asked. With an uneasy look the last crook said, "I peed in the well."

Sherlock Holmes, Winston, Women and Bananas

Sherlock Holmes and Watson were walking through a park, when they passed three women, eating bananas. "Good evening, ladies," said Sherlock. After they passed, Watson asked if he knew those women. "No, Watson, I didn't know that nun, prostitute, or bride." Baffled, Watson asks how he knew their identities. "Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun was eating the banana by breaking it into small pieces. The prostitute was shoving the banana into her mouth. And the bride was holding the banana with one hand and forcing her head down with the other."

Nuns Confess at Pearly Gates

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter. He asks the first nun, ''Sister Karen, have you ever had any contact with a penis?" The nun giggles and slyly replies, ''Well once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.'' St. Peter says, ''OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate.'' St. Peter asks the next nun the same question, ''Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis?'' The nun is a little reluctant but replies ''Well once I fondled and stroked one.'' St. Peter says ''OK, dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gate.'' All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns, one nun is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says ''Sister, Sister what seems to be the rush?!" ''The nun replies, ''If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!"