Arabs vs. Jews

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke." (Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.) "No problem," said the Jew. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew's shoe and spit in it. The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, "That looks good. Think I'll have one too." Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it. The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight.
When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples ... this hatred ... this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes!?!"

Holy Squirrels

There were four churches and a synagogue in a small Ohio town: a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Squirrels Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue.  Each church and the synagogue had a problem with squirrels. The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church . Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide. But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, but it's rumored that they took one squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel on their property since.

Jewish Names

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a mostly deserted beach at Stimson Beach. She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.  "How are you today?" "Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book. "I love the beach.  Do you come here often?" she asked. "First time since my wife passed away two years ago," he replied and turned back to his book. "I'm sorry to hear that.  My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered.  "Do you live around here?" She asked. "Yes, I live over in San Francisco," he answered, and again he resumed reading. Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?" With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life. When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied,  "How did you know my name was Katz?"