Duck and Rabbi

A duck walks into a bar with a rabbi on his head. "What's the deal?" the bartender asks. The duck says, "It's opposite day."

Rabbi in a Taxi

There's a rabbi in a taxi, going through the city for a meeting. Everything is fine, the driver is nice and all. Suddenly, as they're waiting for the green light, a gang of big black guys shows up, armed with baseball bats and stuff. They start hitting the car, break the lights, get the driver out and kick him. The rabbi is really scared and screams: "Please stop, please... stop it!"
Then another gang shows up, Mexicans this time, even bigger than the black dudes. They fight the black guys, destroy them, then turn to the taxi and the driver, and wreck both of them. The driver is nearly dead, blood everywhere. The cab is smoking, windows broken... And the rabbi is still really, really scared. He continues screaming: "Please stop, please... stop it!"
Then the police shows up, shoot the Mexicans, handcuff the survivors, call an ambulance for the driver and try to patch him up. The rabbi is still in the car, and seems more and more scared. He's still screaming: "Please stop, please... stop it!"
A policeman helps him out, and sees the terror on his face. "Calm down, we saved you, everything is alright," he says. "Please stop, please... stop it!" continues the rabbi. The policeman tries to reassure him. "It's gonna be alright, you're safe!" "Please stop, please... stop it!" The policeman gets a bit angry "Look, you're safe, you need to calm down!" The rabbi then looks at the taxi, his eyes filled with terror. "Please stop, please... stop the meter!"

Jewish Telegram

Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."