Two Bags

Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, "What are those bags for?" "I'm collecting for Israel", said Mr. Goldfarb. "You need two bags?", asked Mr. Klein. "I've got a system, said Mr. Goldfarb. It's fantastic. I go into the men's room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say, 'Give for Israel or get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag." "What do you have in the other bag?", inquired Mr. Klein. "Oh, well, not everybody gives."

Old Jewish Man

An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me beck the party!" She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again." He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party." She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again." He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere!" And he hangs up. Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out." He says, "Vy?" They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here." He says, "Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere?" She says, "Yes?"He says, "Vell, get ready -- dey're bringin' it to ya!"

How Did You Do That

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. "Well, Morrie, how's your warehouse business going?". "Oy vey, Abraham, it's not going so good, we had a flood last week." "So, Morrie," whispers Abraham "How do you start a flood?".