A Room For The Night

Many years ago, a Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod, one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full." The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies." The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town" Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, "I'll have you know, I converted to your religion." The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?" Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem." "Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more." Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger." "That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?" Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"

The Mummy!

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?" "Simple... there was a piece of paper in his hand that said, put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

More Church Bloopers!

1. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2. Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
4. Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
5. The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
6. The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
7. Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
8. The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
9. Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."
10. Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals.
11. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
12. The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge, Now Up Yours!"
13. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
14. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the rear entrance.
15. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King!