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Religion Jokes - Heaven Jokes
Appeal
An attorney passed on and found himself in heaven. But not at all happy with his accommodations, he complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment.
The attorney immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard.
The attorney protested that a three year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the attorney was willing to change venue to Hell.
When the attorney asked why appeals could be heard so much sooner in Hell, he was told, "We have all of the judges."
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Arriving in Heaven
Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.
St. Peter: "Hi, what's your name?"
Paul: "My name is Paul."
St. Peter: "Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?"
Paul: "120K."
St. Peter: "Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?"
Paul: "I was a lawyer."
St. Peter: "That's great. Come on in."
St. Peter then turned to the second man. "Hi, what's your name?"
Roger: "My name is Roger."
St. Peter: "Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?"
Roger: "60K."
St. Peter: "Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?"
Roger: "I was an accountant."
St. Peter: "That's very good. Come on in."
St. Peter then turned to the third man. "Hi, what's your name?"
John: "My name is John."
St. Peter: "Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?"
John: "About $23,000."
St. Peter: "Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?"
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Duck Heaven
Once upon a time there was three sisters that went to duck heaven. St. Patrick welcomed them and said, "We are happy to have you here in Duck Heaven, but I warn you if you step on a duck in Duck Heaven you will be chained to the ugliest man on Earth!" So, the three girls were really careful where they stepped. After a week the first girl stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the ugliest man on Earth! After a month the second sister stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the second ugliest man on the Earth! After a year in Duck Heaven the third sister never ever stepped on a duck so St. Patrick said, "You have been very good here in Duck Heaven so we have a treat for you!" So, she was chained to the most handsome and perfect man on the Earth! "What did I do to deserve you?" she asked the man. "Well I don't know about you lady," replied the man. "But I stepped on a duck!!!"
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