Picking a Punishment

This guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in. So Satan opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. The guy says "No, please show me the next room". Satan shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. And so he says no again. Finally, Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes. So the guy says, "I'll choose this room". Satan says O.K. The guys is standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, "Well, it could be worse", when the door opens. Satan pops his head around, and says "O.K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads!"

Suing Hell

A man was part of a national wildlife preserve before he died. He loved to clean up areas for all kinds of animals, and thought he had done a lot of good in the world. So when he died, he expected to go to heaven. He was very surprised when the angel, who told people whether they were going to heaven or hell, said, "I'm sorry, but you were sent to hell." "Are you quite sure you haven't made mistake?" the young man asked. "We never make mistakes and never have." The angel replied. So the young man thought, well, okay, and went with the devil to hell. When the young man got there, he thought, "What a mess! I am NOT going to be living in such a pigsty," so he started to clean the place up. A few weeks later, the angel came down to hell to tell the young man that they indeed had made a mistake and he was supposed to go to heaven. "Woah, you can't just take him! He's mine now and this place looks great!" said the devil. "Oh, well then we'll just sue you!" The angel said back. "And how the heck do you plan to do that?" taunted the devil. "We've got all the lawyers."

Satan Knows Best

Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this?!" "I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on," she explained. "It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, 'You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!'" "Well," the pastor replied, "You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, 'Get behind me, Satan!'" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said, 'It looks fabulous from back here, too!'"