Sections of Hell

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to personally escort the man around so he can choose the section of hell he would like to be in. The first section has everybody being burned constantly and getting a glass of water every 7 hours. The second section has everybody working hard and getting a glass of water every three hours. The last section has everybody kneedeep in crap. "Well, this doesn't look too bad -- and it beats being burned or working. I'll take the crap."
"Okay," says the devil. "Everybody back on their heads."

Timbuktu

It seems that two of the great Romantic British Poets, Shelly and Keats, died on the same day. When they got to heaven St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I only have room for one poet. I'll tell you what I'll do. Each of you must make up a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' The one who creates the best poem I'll let into heaven."
So Shelly goes first. He thinks a bit and after a few moments, he starts, "I stood upon the burning sand, gazing at a far off land. A caravan came into view - it's destination: Timbuktu."
"Very good!" says St. Peter, "Keats it's your turn. Do you think you can top that one?"
Keats just smiled and started his poem: "Tim and I a hunting went, and found three maidens in a tent. Since they were three and we were two, I bucked one and Timbuktu."

Princess Di and Mother Theresa

You know how Princess Diana and Mother Theresa died around about the same time? Well they both went up to heaven. St. Peter met them at the entrance to the pearly gates. He said  "You both must show me something to prove your worth, going into heaven." Mother Theresa went first. She walked up to St. Peter and lifted her habit and flashed her breasts at him. He said "okay. Princess Di?" Princess Di smiled and walked over into the corner, did a squat and pissed. St. Peter gave it careful consideration. Finally he decided. "Princess Di. You're in. Sorry Mother Theresa, but a Royal Flush, beats two of a kind!!!!!"