IRS Agents Into Heaven

Two income tax collectors died and arrived at the pearly gates. Just ahead of them were two clergy, but St. Peter motioned them aside and took the internal revenue into heaven at once. "Why them ahead of us?" the surprised religious leaders asked. "Haven't we done everything possible to spread the good word?" "Yes," said St. Peter, "but those two IRS agents scared the Heck out of more people than you ever did!"

Jesus and Moses Performing

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when Moses says, "You know what? I'm going to try and part the ocean again." He throws his hands in the air and, magically, the ocean parts. Jesus sees this and says, "I'm going to try to walk on water again." He walks up to the water, takes a step on top and sinks. Moses says, "Try it again, Jesus. It's been a while." Jesus tries again, and once more, he sinks. Jesus comes out of the water and says, "I know what the problem is. When I walked on water before, I didn't have holes in my feet."

Biblical Figures Debate

It was Critics' Day in heaven, when all celebrated biblical figures reflected on their life experiences on earth, and decided what would have been the best approach to performing their respective feats. On the floor today was Moses' parting of the Red Sea in order to escape the pursuing Egyptians. First up was Noah, who said he would have would have used divine foresight to construct an ark in advance, and conveyed the Israelites across. Peter objected to this, claiming Noah's method was too technical, stating that he would have simply helped the Israelites walk on the water across the sea. Elijah objected, calling Peter's method unreliable. He then proposed calling fire down from heaven to consume the Red Sea. Solomon pointed out that this did not solve the problem of the Egyptians. Elijah looked at them incredulously, before saying what appeared to him as obvious: he would call fire down on the Egyptians too. Daniel remarked that Elijah's method wasn't cost-effective. He, and a now furious Elijah, then plunged into a heated argument. Finally, Balaam stood up, and proposed placing his donkey in front of all the advancing Egyptians. They all stared at him in awe.