Joan of Arc

Q: What did God say when Joan of Arc showed up at the Pearly Gates?
A: "Well done."

People in a Honda

Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda?
A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.

The Atheist Explorer

An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself  "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!." There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief. As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed."