Where Have You Been?

A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much." The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?" The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff, church, church, church."

Batman at Church

Q: What do you call it when Batman skips Church?
A: Christian Bale

Confession

This fellow comes to confession. "Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned. "The priest asked, "What did you do, my son?"  "I lusted," the fellow replied. "Tell me about it," the priest said.  The fellow then related his story.
"Father, I am a delivery man for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in the affluent section of the city. When I rang the bell, the door opened and there stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She had long blonde hair and eyes like emeralds. She was dressed in a sheer dressing gown that showed her perfect figure. And, she asked if I would like to come in."  "And, what did you do, my son?" asked the priest.  "Father, I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how I lusted," replied the man.
"Your sin has been forgiven," replied the priest. "You will get your reward in heaven, my son."  "A reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?", the fellow asked.  The priest replied, "I think a bale of hay would be appropriate, you jackass."