The Male Point System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
Simple Duties:

• You make the bed (+1)
• You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
• You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets(-1)
• You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
• You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty (0)
• When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
• When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom (-2)
• You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
• But return with beer (-5)
• You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
• You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing (0)
• You check out a suspicious noise and it's something (+5)
• You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
• It's her father (-20)

Social Engagements:

• You stay by her side the entire party (0)
• You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
• Named Tiffany (-4)
• Who is a dancer (-6)
• And was Homecoming Queen (-8)

Her Birthday:

• You take her out to dinner (0)
• You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
• Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
• And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
• It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A Night Out with The Boys:

• Go out with a pal (-5)
• And the pal is happily married (-4)
• Or frighteningly single (-7)
• And he drives a Lotus (-10)

A Night Out:

• You take her to a movie (+2)
• You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
• You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
• You take her to a movie you like (-2)
• It's called DeathCop3 (-3))
• You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique:

• You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
• You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
• You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
• You say "I don't care because you have one too" (-800)

The Big Question:

• She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
• You hesitate in responding (-10)
• You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Communication:

• When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned [removed]0)
• When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
• You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+10)
• She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep (-20)

College Couple

A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why's that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."

Late Again

Wife - "Where the  hell have you been?  You said you'd be done with golf by noon!"
Husband - "I'm so sorry, Honey, but you probably don't want to hear the reason."
Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"
Husband - "Fine.  We finished in under  4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse, I hopped in the car and would have  been here at noon on the button.   On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire.  I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money.  Of course, I refuse it - then she tells  me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She's such a sweetie, I said yes.  Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I  guess we were looking pretty good to each other.  Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table.  She suggested we get some privacy while pulling  me by the hand.  Now I'm in her room ... clothes are flying .... The talking stopped ...  and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because  before I know it the clock says 5:30.  I jumped up, threw my clothes  on, ran to the car, and here I am.  There, you wanted the truth ... you  got it."
Wife - "Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you!?"