Three Tasks for the King's Daughter

Three men want to marry the king's most beautiful daughter. The king agrees to give them a chance, but they must perform three difficult tasks: defeat an ogre, turn lead to gold, and screw a cow. The first man dies fighting the ogre, the second fails at turning lead to gold, but the third man successfully completes all three tasks. "Congratulations!" says the king. "You may now have my daughter's hand in marriage." "Screw that," says the man. "I want the cow."

That's Happiness

The friends of the bride decided to give the newlyweds a tape recording of the couple making love on their honeymoon night as a gag wedding gift. They accomplished this by hiding a tape recording under the newlywed's bed that evening. Before they gave the recorded tape to her, they played the tape and heard her moaning to her new husband, "That's happiness! That's happiness!" But her voice sounded funny and they discovered that they were playing the tape at the wrong speed. When they slowed the tape down to the correct pitch, they were surprised to hear her shouting at him, "That's a penis?! That's a penis?!"

Expensive Honeymoon!

A young couple from the country honeymooned at a really fancy ocean-side resort. Because they knew it would be expensive, they had planned to limit their stay to just the weekend. They were just unable to leave, enjoying themselves and each other so much, and extended their stay another day. Upon checking out, the desk clerk said, "That'll be an additional $150 a piece." "Good God man !!!" cried the groom, totally shocked, "That's two thousand two-hundred and fifty dollars !!! Are you crazy ???"