Before And After

The woman cries before the wedding; the man after the wedding.

Girl Talk

The Franklin Factor:  Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.
The Rat Race:  If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.
The Eyeglass Prescription:  Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.
The Ring Rule:  A watched telephone never rings.
The Creep Call:  Never pick up the phone on Saturday night, it's a call from a creep you told you were busy.
The Fishing Forecast:  They say there are lots of good fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
The Psychological Prognosis:  Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.
The Rope Trick: Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.
Mind Over Matter: No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.
The Fault Finder: The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.
The Unintended Result:

• Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy
• Men often go looking for sex and end up finding love
• Women's desire for intimacy often results in sex
• Women often go looking for love and end up finding only sex.

The Rabbit Rule: Only newlyweds and liars make love every day.
The Dangle Doctrine: You can't keep a good man down.
Twain's Truth:  Familiarity breeds children.
The Fertility Factor: Women are only fertile a few days each month, unless they're single.
The Preparation Predicament: The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex, the more likely he's fallen asleep by the time you're ready.

Marriage Is...Part 2

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.
Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man.
Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.