Time Check

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About three hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey. Bill, follow that guy and see what he does. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."
A little while later. Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, what did he do when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your wife!"

Police Officer

A man driving on the highway is pulled up by a police officer on a bike. The officer says, "Pull over," and the driver pulls over to the side of the road. He says, "I'm sorry, officer, was I speeding?" The police officer says, "No, mate, but your wife fell out of the car a mile back. "The man replies, "Oh, that explains it. I thought I was going deaf!"

Her Age

Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty, your hair, eighteen and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."