University Courses For Women

Etiquette and Behavior:

• EB101: PMS (Preposterous Mood Swings) -Learning To Sleep Over At Mother's
• EB102: We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas(Just Wear The Sexy Lingerie I Gave You)
• EB103: How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
• EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Talk About Feminine Hygiene In Mixed Company
• EB105: If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
• EB106: How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
• EB107: Apologizing For Farting When You're On The Toilet Is Not Necessary

General Electives:

• GE101: You, The Whining Sex
• GE102: Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
• GE103: Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
• GE104: Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
• GE105: Learning To Appreciate Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men

Home Economics:

• HE101: You Can Change The Oil Too
• HE102: How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
• HE103: How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
• HE104: How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
• HE105: Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
• HE106: How To Close The Garage Door
• HE107: How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
• HE108: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
• HE109: Why Going To The Bathroom Is Not A Group Activity
• HE110: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")

Interpersonal Relationships:

• IR101: Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
• IR102: If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation
• IR103: Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
• IR104: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching "The Three Stooges"
• IR105: Marriage - The Number One Cause Of Divorce

Life Skills:

• LS101: Combatting The Impulse To Nag
• LS102: Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
• LS103: Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right
• LS104: Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
• LS105: Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
• LS106: How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
• LS107: Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank
• LS108: How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
• LS109: You Too Can Carry A Backpack
• LS110: Dress Like A Slut And Put On Something Sexy - Why It Won't Ruin Your Brain
• LS111: Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
• LS112: How To Remain Femininely Enticing And Attractive After Menopause
• LS113: How To Parallel Park

Sex Education:

• SE101: Reasons To Give Head To Your Man
• SE102: How To Stay Awake During Sex And Imagine That It Lasted For Over 10 Minutes
• SE103: Fall Semester: You Can Use A Bed For More Than Just Sleep
• Spring Semester: It's Okay To Do It Outside Of The Bedroom
• SE104: How To Say "Yes" More Often
• SE105: How To Say "No" But Really Mean "Yes"
• SE106: Lingerie - The Gift That Keeps On Giving
• SE107: Sexual Alternatives For "That Time Of The Month" (formerly called "Any Old Port In A Storm")
• SE108: Foreplay (not a required course, for extra credit only)

Every Single Time

David: My wife beats me, doctor.
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
David: Every time we play Scrabble!

Schmucks Get the Girls

Duncan was in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"