Reality

Q: How did you meet your husband?
A: I'm a pharmacist. He came in to buy condoms and asked for XXXXL.  After we got married I realized that he sometimes stutters.

When We Get Married

Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told me, "We'll wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"

Gun Vs Wife

Q: Do you know why a gun is better than a wife?
A: You can put a silencer on a gun.