Who to Marry

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money and then he makes his decision. Which women did he choose? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Have you made your guess? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? He marries........ ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? The one with the largest breasts!

Surprise

I just got married to a young woman from Thailand and she told me that a small penis is okay.
I still wish she didn't have one though.

The Golden Urinal

A man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman. "No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of GOLD!" She said she didn't believe him, so she called the bar. "Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question; are your urinals covered in gold?" To which she heard the bartender say, "Hey, Clarence,  I think we found the guy who pissed in your saxophone!"